Drenched in Mercy

Only breath
Nothing else
Inhale
Still here
Exhale
Still here
Mercy.
Only breath
Then rest
Inhale
Still here
Exhale
Still here
Mercy.
Only breath
Then waking
Inhale
Still here
Exhale
Still here
Mercy.
Only breath
Then tea
Inhale
Still here
Exhale
Still here
Mercy.
Only breath
Then shower
Hot water running
Over my face
Down my back
Between my toes
My body
Drenched in mercy.

-RDP

The Consequences of Vulnerability

She’s quiet
I want to ask
But I don’t
Trying on restraint
Is uncomfortable.
Maybe I finally broke
our fragile peace
Finally pushed us
over the edge
We’d so delicately
balanced on
longer than I’d thought we could
Finally arriving at
the consequences
of vulnerability.
She’s quiet
And I wonder
But don’t speak
She’ll have to break
Our silence.

-RDP

The (always) Bittersweet Farewell

A storm cleared the air, finally
scrubbed the sky clean
and for one day it was perfection
the magical lake fresh with a crisp and stunning beauty I know so well.

The still evening called me, alone
down to the dock in just a towel
and I slipped down the ladder in the dark
the cool water sliding over my skin as I swam out to my usual spot.

Just me on the lake
just me watching the last light fade.

One more night, one final dip
less perfect but this time with stars
everything quiet, smooth, peaceful
the water lapping at the edges of my body
blurring sound as I gazed up at the big, dark sky.

Just me on the lake
just me watching the light fade
just me to bid the bittersweet farewell.

-RDP

Still Beauty

Sometimes
the beauty of the place you love
isn’t as clear as it once was

Sometimes
it’s smoky and muted
isn’t as stunning as you remember it could be

But it’s still beauty.

It’s what you have now
and so you let it wash over you
just the same as it always did

It’s what you have now
and so you let the wild and gentle lake you know so well
steal your heart once again

as she will every year until either you or she is gone.

-RDP

Right Here

It always surprises me

How one walk can take me past a lilac bush

and into the backyard in Idaho, racing in the newly mowed lawn lanes.

How on the same walk through jasmine scented marine air

I’m folding the flag with my grandfather, at the La Jolla beach house.

Further up the road and into the park

and I’m in the spring San Francisco sun with my sister,

or Rome amongst girlfriends, all bouncing with the same college carefree step.

A view north I'd never noticed as I round the reservoir

is that hillside in France, looking out from the bed where we fell into each other.

Back home and the trees towering over windows

have me on my favorite porch in the mountains, gazing out at the lake.

It always surprises me

How I find every sense of belonging and adventure right here.

She and I

She and I keep each other’s secrets

We delight in resonance

And dissonance too.

We wander in and out of mundane details

Mothering, partnering, working,

While weaving in our dreams and longings…

Always leaving room to try on who we want to be.

I Will Never Have My Fill

I will never be able to stay long enough,

Have my fill of being in the same place for days

Of joining her daily life

Of seeing her just as she is in the ordinary moments

And wandering in and out of conversation.

I will never be able to stay long enough,

Have my fill of the other one’s laugh I adore

Of visiting her home

Of seeing her in all the corners of herself

And knowing a bit more of where she’s been.

I will never be able to stay long enough,

Have my fill of the way we all know each other well

Of how we wonder

Of how we always find something to uncover

And more than a little bit of fun.

I will never have my fill of

The messy, beautiful, intricate dance

Of women loving each other

And trying to love ourselves

While untangling beliefs we never asked for

That ruled our lives for too long

And sometimes still do.

I will never have my fill of

The complicated unraveling of who we are

Of not always understanding

And the discomfort of holding onto ourselves

While becoming other than who we once were

Unknown for a little or a long while

Before settling in with each other again.