Happy (lunar) New Year! I realized recently that I've put off writing for a very long time, while waiting for the perfect post to take shape in my head. One of my intentions for the coming year is to write, daily. Just write, whatever it is I have to say, regardless of how polished it is. Thank you Elizabeth Gilbert (Big Magic is a must read for the avidly creative!) And so, a jumble of thoughts...
I picked up some cards last fall that follow the cycle of the moon. Each day has a card and it's become my meditation since my son was born and my world turned upside down. Day 27 keeps coming back around and grabbing my attention, and it did so again Saturday.
Whirlwind: There's something in there in the chaotic windstorm and twisted-up jankyness of this moment. There's something there. You're uncomfortable. There's something there in the discomfort. There's something there. It's gold.
(Day 27, Moon Angels by Ryan Rebekah Eren).
I read this card and immediately think of the poem Eyes So Soft, by Haiz
Your loneliness so quickly.
Let it cut more
Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so
My need of God
Loneliness is not a feeling I enjoy, AT ALL. I doubt many of us do. It seems to particularly agitate me. And so I love being brought back to this poem and reminded of the goodness that lies in such discomfort. I didn't expect motherhood to bring a huge wave of loneliness. Yet here it is, day after day. Fall has turned into a dark and wet winter, dear friends live in far off places, everyone is busy, busy, busy, and I am alone with this dear, sweet baby boy who can't yet talk.
Six more weeks of winter. Lent begins Wednesday. Time to hunker down and see what beauty emerges from my discomfort. Let the new year begin.